短暂

还以为掩饰得很好的寂寞不曾流泪
白昼被深藏的它却连夜在梦中哭泣

还以为已经习惯在没有你们的日子里坚强
深夜的哀怨却出卖了我胆小与懦弱

然
令人害怕的并不是曝露出的寂寞
亦不是时而变小的坚强
而是在分秒间游行的它正消耗着我不想放开的每一刻
而是在无常间幻变的它正考验着我到底有多想拥有多一些certainties
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一直都还在想着她的事。她母亲在短短的两个星期内，从诊断出大肠有异物直到动手术后，忽然就离开了。一直都在想着她到底如何面对这样突如其来的噩耗，想着在台湾的他到底怎样按奈着悲伤的痛乘飞机来出席一个突如其来的葬礼。
前两天的一大清早，头脑就一直毫无原因的浮现‘树欲静而风不止，子欲养而亲不在’这句话，直到我定下神开始上课为止。到了深夜入眠时，这样的梦竟也套进去了。害得我一整天为了梦里亲人的离开而悲伤不已。
也许我这个人比较多愁善感。每次听到这样的消息，总会开始感到害怕。害怕时间走得太快，让我来不及去好好爱我身边的每一个人。也开始发现与父母及家人相处的时间是多么的短暂。要说我笨也好，想太多也好，现在的我说有多想就有多想要抛开时间，回到过去弥补一直创下的遗憾与伤痕。多想好好的对他们说声我爱你，好好的说声对不起，好好的拥抱，好好的亲吻。

人生 - too little time, too much to do.

*Decided to translate the beginning part into english so that my dear Royah could read it. :)

I thought i hide it well - the loneliness that nvr cries
But to my surprise,
it has been wailing every single night all this while

I thought I'm used to it - the strong will to live on without you all
But to my surprise again,
the darkness of night has been moaning over my cowardness again and again

However,
it is not the loneliness that frightens me
nor is the shrinking sturdiness in me
but the walking time that has been taking away, bit by bit, all the moments Im so unwilling to let go
and also the changing world that makes me to desire a tiny fraction of certainties out of so much uncertainties.

'Too much to do, too little time'
Life has always been like this.
C'est la vie.