A date with Puteri and the Katak (Princess and the Frog)

Today is definitely a day that deserved a big asterisk on my Butterfly book (i.e. my diary.. hahaha pls bear with my deliration on naming each and every of my favourite non-living object). Okay folks, so the story started with the abandonment crime committed by my workaholic bf & also roommie who threw herself to her boyfriend's visit. Out of boredom, i decided to date myself instead :)

As last minute, or rather, as impusive as it must always be, I popped down to the cinema nearby. Princess & the Frog was the show that filled up 1.5 hours of this particular evening. Feeling a bit lost - erm..it was actually my FIRST TIME EVER to catch a movie in the cinema alone - I appeared to the ticket counter and kept telling myself how cool I am to watch a WALT DISNEY CARTOON ALONE, opps no no, should be TOGETHER with gazillions of kiddos in the cinema; while subconsciously, me naughtily hoping there would be another lonely soul sharing the same luck as me :P

6.50pm. Holding popcorn and coke on my right, my left hand started scrounging for ticket in the tight pocket of mine. 'Urgh...this is EXACTLY the time when you need someone to hold stuff for you, silly pig!' - the restless negative demon in me couldn't stop grumbling. 'Cant ya just shut it up for a mo? Just for a freaking mo! Im so bloody cool, can't ya see? Can't ya see?' - the other side of me fired back. Okie dokie, as cool as it seemed, I strude with all pride to Hall 4, appearing as the first person who sat right in the middle of this gigantic movie chamber.

Kiddos, mommies and daddies started filling up the seats as clock was about to strike 7pm. Glancing, glancing and glancing, trying hard to do it in my most natural way, I couldn't help looking for someone who sat alone. Let's see...ahem..Row H..kids n sisters..nope nope..Row G.. Bf & gf...yucks yikes yikes...get out of my sight please...okay okay maybe Row F....rowF..row F..kids..momm..and..GOTCHA!!! THERE YOU GO!!! Mr Youngman-i-dont-know-your-name-but-really-glad-to-see-you-glancing-around-for-another-lonely-soul-like-you! HAHAHA. Ya ya me! me! over here over here!!! But mister, sit real still at your own seat okayyy... I have no intention to share your bloody loneliness. I have my own to attend to too.

ANDDDDD... the show began shortly.

'Yuckssss!! I will never ever kiss a frog in my life! Never ever!'. As expected, the little black girl who blurted this out kissed a frog in the end. Not quite as expected, she turned into a frog together with this hedonistic frog-prince upon kissing the slimy creature (OK it's not SLIMY, it's MUCUS- according to the movie). To erase the spell casted on them, these two froggies went through 'thick and thin', weaving in some bollywood's oh-i-bumped-into-you-and-kissed-onto-your-lips-by-total-accident cliche to bring out how they realised life won't be meaningful without each other.

To my surprise, I was actually sooo into the movie that I started giggling to myself like a 10-year-old. Haha maybe even more frequent than the cute little girl who sat next to me. Yea, I like the movie and would definitely rate it 4/5 (note note: based on personal liking only la! Don't come and tell me my taste was bad after you spend a few bucks zoning out in the cinema okayy). Why? Because it made me chuckled like a little girl, as I got amazed by those funny comical characters e.g. the Alligator who wanted to be a jazz musician so much, the Firefly who took the eastern star as his dreamy darling and the DOG whose name is STELLA!! I simply love laughters that came from a pure innocent heart, where cocoons of complications in life were all melted far far away. I also particularly like the multicultural setting which was based on an ambitious black girl coming from a lower-class society who wanted to bring people of all walks of life together by opening a gourmet restaurant. Like Anabelle said, it's so 1Malaysia la! Lolz.

However, I think some part of the plot is a bit dark for children. I myself got a bit upset when Mr FireFly had to die in order to reincarnate as a star, to be with the love of his life. Hmmm I think children shouldn't be exposed to the dark side of life too early, as pure happiness in childhood is just way too short and only to be dearly missed when adolescence takes its place.

Anyway, all is good about this experience. Who says a forlorn soul can't find his/her way out? Im pretty sure that Mr Youngman-i-dont-know-your-name-but-really-glad-to-see-you-glancing-around-for-another-lonely-soul-like-you had a pretty good moment for the evening too! :)

P/s: Although a light peck of joy is still very much preferred after an enjoyable show *hint :P

Rachael Yamagata

The lyrics totally blew me away. Enjoy :)
*A song from me to you.



I'll find a way to see you again
I'll find a way to see you again

I used to think that anything I'd do
Wouldn't matter at all anyway
But now I find that when it comes to you
I'm the winner of cards I can't play
Wait for me, wait for me
Darling, I need you desperately, desperately here

And I'll find a way to see you again
And I'll find a way to see you again

The rain is like an orchestra to me
Little gifts from above meant to say
Girl, you falling at his feet
Isn't lovely or stunning today
Wait with me, wait with me
I'm alive when you're here with me, here with me, stay

And I'll find a way to see you again
And I'll find a way to see you again

Why do the street lamps die
When you're passing by
Like a hand that won't stay on my shoulder tonight
If you held me close, would you laugh it away
Would you dare the glance that I steal to stay

And I'll find a way to see you again
Yes, I'll find a way to see you again
I'll find a way, a way, a way to see you again
I'll find a way, a way, a way to see you again
I'll find a way, a way, a way to see you again
The rain will bring, the rain will bring, the rain will bring, bring, bring me down
The rain will bring, the rain will bring, the rain will bring, bring, bring me down
The rain will bring, the rain will bring, the rain will bring, bring, bring me down

伏在床铺上
脑袋空白
忽然闻到恰似你的发香
鼻子一酸
热泪满眶
明白了
思念有令人无法承受的重量

End of 2nd week

the star is not supposed to knock on the keyboards for post entry right now. especially she is still a newbird at work. but this boredom simply sent her sanity offguard. and the rain outside made the chilliness to bite every single cell of hers. brrrrr.

so yea today da friday denotes the end of 2nd week of work. helped out a bit on making a proposal, then did nothing for the following days and now she is writing this entry to fill up the remaining one hour before knocking off. work was ok in general. albeit the traffic definitely drives her up the wall. and the BOREdom after work. argghh. simply unbearable at times. but mommy said, give urself a bit more of time, dont rush into things. okay okay. so she waits p.a.t.i.e.n.t.l.y before she's thrown into a new project team :)

this morning she has an emotional turmoil. poor sun. must be difficult for him to stomach his dearie's harsh words. the star needs more love :( argh. felt so bad for roaring at him like an unstoppable volcanic eruption. bless him. sigh.

ok, time to go home liaoz. haha. update soon! ;)

Somehow
I realised

this is not the right thing for me. full stop.

20.08.09

夜深人静啊
在默默等着明知道不会亮起绿灯的msn icon
傻乎乎地希望Phil Collins的歌声会奇迹般响起
心里不想承认的思念却一直一直不受控的发酵
是1.45pm还是11.45pm啊？
也不是第一次为这样的等待而毫无目的的在网上东按西按
可是也许真的老了吧，老得连要承认是特地上网来等待phil colins唱歌，也得假装是潇洒的碰巧上网
人就是这样
真的非常在乎，却不敢坦荡荡的让他人知道。
因为总是害怕，害怕你在乎的人不明白为何要如此在乎；害怕在乎的人，并没有相等的在乎你。

不过没关系啦
至少现在的我 心里仍然是盈满幸福的

晚安。

19.08.09

I couldn't admire more on my sis's fluency when it comes to speaking Malay Language.
We went on to mudah.com.my to hunt for a cheap second-hand (mini) UZap today.
When she called up the Malay seller, I was totally amazed+aghasted at how good she was at using all the accent & slang. Good lord. My used-to-be-A1 Malay now can only sail me through formal/official writings. To bargain in Malay? Haha, try harder next time bah.
Anyway, we finally got a set of used Uzap slimming belt and mini UZap through this website for a good price (slashed down more than 55% of the original price!). Yayyy! Can't wait for the delivery to arrive!!

Alex: Da jie, stop day-dreaming larrrrrr! You'll nvr get a 26-inch waist wan la...
- Bluek. 人因发白日梦而伟大. Support sikit tak boleh ke???

Hee.

18.08.09

Accommodation & transportation are kind of sorted. Phew~
Finally could get a ticket back home, and not roaming aimlessly around, staring bleakly into nothing.
Again I have to say, there's no place like home. :)
BUdden
im SOooO looking forward to using the gym + swimming pool in the new condo. *wink wink
have been accumulating fats non-stop since i came back from the uk. Regular gym sessions were replaced by mamak stall outings; salad diets gave way to sis's Asian-style stir fry. omg. better raise the warning sign now than crying over the drooping double chin later.
***
It always feels good to be with someone who knows you so well to the extent that he/she could read what's on your mind. It is so amazing to have someone correcting what you've said, because he/she simply knows you are not speaking from your heart. It feels so warmed when you know you dont have to pick words in expressing your feelings, as he/she understands every sigh/grumble was merely meant to vent out the frustrations, before gearing up to face up to bottleneck in life.
And it'll be fantastic if one day I can be that 'someone' too, whenever you need one.
***
Dear me, please don't forget to be more compassionate towards others.
Remember, always be the Sze Hwei that you yourself would admire deeply too.

Missing that moo in taipei,
Stella.

KL

Can't believe i had this morning bluess
all of a sudden
i started to miss everybody and the boring-index-at-its-max life at home
it was such a familiar feeling that appeared 3 years ago when i first landed in London

i can only say
A gap of 3 years is a very short period for a huge transition in life
love, joy, tears, laughters all happened in a flash of time
but im sure this time
im strong enough to paint another colourful rainbow for you, you, you and you.
:)

In Cooking Mode

Haha I was craving for the chicken in lemon sauce in Greece these few days.

So decided it's time to welcome the big come-back of my culinary skills.
Ta-daaaaaaa.... Fish in Lemon Sauce!

Fish in Lemon Sauce. Specially prepared with herbs brought all the way back from Greece.

And fellow KMBians... do you still remember the mouth-watering 'tempe' cooked with fried anchovis+peanuts in thai sweet chilli sauce?
Haha yeaaaaa, it turned out really well on my dining table tooooo today!!
Very nostalgic indeeeed :)

Dinner that spelled 班门弄斧 :P

Singapore Sun i wanna see u soon!

Visited Willy and his family in Singapore for a week and now Im back in hometown

*mixed feelings ah mixed feelings......hmmmm.........*sob sob *hee hee *getting crazy.

Willy's parents are super nice and I really wanna salute his mom for being such a perfect housewife. Honestly, I've never met anyone better than her in keeping the house spick and span WITHOUT FAIL, making sure her family eats healthily and most of all, she remains cheerful and understanding all the times. Lucky Willy.Lucky lucky u! *whisper..im a bit envious of u lohh. Soup served on the table for every meal. Fresh fruit juice EVERY MORNING. hen xing fu!

And there was one night I drank with his eldest sister and daddy. Blue sapphire gin with 47% alcohol followed by nearly half a glass of red wine totally ruined my stomach's 'sanity' and er... I threw up like a Singapore's Merlion. LoL. And happily get scolded by Willy after that. I always lose grisp in controlling myself once my mood reaches its happiness threshold. How incorrigible!

The last time I visited Singapore before this was erm...maybe 11 or 12 years ago, tagging along with mom's school trip. The only thing I could recall was the Underwater World in Sentosa and a few teenagers in the cable cars who intimidated me with their fluent flow of spoken English - and I labelled these Singaporean kids as 'the-very-brilliant-ones from another world' since then.

When I revisited Sentosa with Willy this time, I was quite surprised that I could actually still remember where exactly the 'touch pond' was in the Underwater World. Seems like some memories are just meant to stay and remain whether we realise or not. And this time, Im sure love would embed the sweet and joyful moments in the memory lane in grain.

Ohh yea yea and the Pink Dolphins!! The 2 cute dolphins made my day and I've never felt so eager before just to see animals. Will was super funny as he kinda got jealous when I said those dolphins are the cutest creatures on earth. Haha. Laopo! They are the cutest ones AFTER you lahhh...

Met up with Adeline and her babe Chong for buffet-style steamboat. I was TOTALLY BLOATED as my stomach had this kiasu-ness to make sure every dollar worth the while. lol. Ade and Chong were SOOooooOOOooo loving. Even people around them also can feel the diabetic-ness liaozzzz. GET MARRIED SOON OK ADEEEE! ;)

快乐的时间总是容易过 Now I can finally understand deep deep the meaning behind this sentence . Dear Friday pls come faster come faster! Because...

SINGAPORE SUN, I WANNA SEE U SOOOONNNN!!!

*wahaha.

12/07/2009

I am finally back to my dearrrrr homeland after the dreadful 13-hour flight!
Always feel good to be home with daddy mommy and the 2 rascals around
although I wasn't excited at all when the air-steward announced the landing of our flight
Haha probably because I know this time is a real homecoming for me and a new phase of life is awaiting ahead in this land.
Mixed feelings are plenty and I need time to sort these outttt before they get overflown and turn me into an emo witch again
Heeee :D

Ok from now on I must sleep for seven-and-a-half hours a day with strict detox diet.
Must regain all the energy lost due to stress and sleep deprivation.
Haha daddy asked me to pick up yoga lessons but hmm... i prefer badminton lehhh
I must find out where to book a court and force mommy to be my badminton partner *evil laughss

Few more days to go before meeting darling in Sg.
Can't wait can't wait. Yayyyyyy :)

Ohh Ohhhhh
And I have so many plans in mind for tomorrow alreadyyy *whistle happily
By the way
Selamat Pulang ke Tanah Air, Sze Hwei :)

3rd July 2009

"Differences between Girls and Mature Women."
Just for laughs xD

♥ Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Matured women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits.

♥ Girls want to control the man in their life.
Matured women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.

♥ Girls check you for not calling them.
Matured women are too busy to realize you hadn't.

♥ Girls are afraid to be alone.
Matured women revel in it-using it as a time for personal growth.

♥ Girls ignore the good guys.
Matured women ignore the bad guys.

♥ Girls make you come home.
Matured women make you want to come home.

♥ Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Matured women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

♥ Girls try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e., don't want him hanging with his friends).
Matured women realize that a little bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special-and goes to kick it with her own friends!

♥ Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Matured women offer their shoulder and a tissue.

♥ Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
Matured women 'show' him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his 'manhood'.

♥ Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Matured women know that, that was just one man.

♥ Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'.
Matured women know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you back and move on, without bitterness.

Came across this interesting article from someone's blog. Quite a good comparison, haha. But how many guys are mature enough to realise and cherish all the goodness hidden in every mature woman's act for them? Hmm.. *pondering

Anyway, Stella has gotten her final year results already! Got what I've expected and am really grateful for that :D Again, thanks everybody who helped me through all these years, be it directly or indirectly. Like Beng said, I love you all deep deep hor! :)

22 June 09 Part II - the not so random one

22 June 2009 denotes the last day of my Uni, provided that if i passed all the modules of course! *fingers crossed tight tight

Upon stepping out from Dr. O'Hare's room after the 1-hour long of viva, I felt so relieved yet did not get too carried away by the fact that biochemistry has already become a history embedded in my life from that mo. Perhaps in the process of anticipation, my excitement for the real day of liberation was being shed off bit by bit, to the extent that I only wanted to treat it like just another day in life.

BUTTTTTTT
OF COURSE I DIDNT LAAAAA
SIAO MEHHHH, how many times in life do you get to savour the joy after all the toil, moil, sweat, blood, tension, insomnia sh*t that came in a package with examsssssss n final year project huhhhhhhh?

So i went bowling with Dickson, Royah, Joan and Tom. Didnt really know Joan and Tom at first. But the good thing about hanging out with all these BBC/angmos is you can just anyhow crap as if you've known each other for a zillion years, and the next time you meet them, the starting line would be: hey, i met you in xxx's party, remember? And here you go...another 'tok kock' session. See, mingling around is just so easy pissy. All you need is just high English sense of humour and a big bright smile. Teeheeee :D

Anyway, met Andre (yea yea the portuguese guy whom I 又爱又恨 in the lab) when i was bidding farewell with Ioanna who is leaving for Cyprus tomorrow. We were so shocked to see each other as we thought we wont be seeing each other anymore after the last lab. 'Omg omg omg Stella, why are you here?', so he asked while giving me a deep hug. 'Haha, we went for bowling just now'.
To be honest, it was difficult to say goodbye to people whom you see almost everyday. Before everything came to an end, their presence was just so thinly felt - just like the air you breathe in and out everyday -- only when one day you have to part with them, you started to cherish and hope that time would slow down so that every moment could be properly captured.

To my friends, thank you for making my life in the UK a worthwhile one. From a girl who only knew about life in western countries through television programme, to a lady like me who actually share stories/jokes and even hang out with you guys whom I called friends, such experience has indeed enriched so much of my life.

To Royah, thank you for being such a patient, cheerful, caring, hilarious yet sarcastic (yes the part i love most!) friend. If it wasn't you, I wouldn't have known so many lovely people from our course. I'll never forget all the madness we had during the drinking/ice-cream/meals/movie (oh so many of them!) hangout session. Im just so gonna miss them when im back in malaysia!

To Katie, you are one of the lovely people whom i was so lucky to get acquainted with. You're sincere, kind and truthful. Your relationship with Tom simply makes me think that true love does exist and give me the courage to look for my own one too :)

To my housemates, I love you all. Thank you for putting up with my bad temper, mood swings and madness. Thanks for your care and love when I was down in the ravine in life. I love you all with all my heart and am so grateful for being part of this big family for the past 2 years.

To Yih Lin my senior, haha I probably couldn't get through all these shit in biochem without your constant guidance and encouragement. You always have my respect and Im so glad to have met such an angel like you.

To my coursemate Adeline the chicken bay, thanks for being my 'mommy' and pushing me to work hard for the finals. How can you be so consistent and disciplied in revision huh??? Those notes and tips you gave in fact have helped me a lot, especially for ATCMI. Haha. Lazy me.

To Andre and Jennifer, my FYP lab mates, thank you for arguing with me in the lab Andre. That definitely added lotsa new knowledge to my very limited archive -- jesus christ can be dearly called as sweet little child christ, buddha is fatter than jesus, Flipper the Dolphine is actually a paedophile and how 'fuck' could be so expressive when you got stuck in labs. And Jennifer, thanks for helping out for the SDS experiment. I love how daring you were at molesting me too. Haha.

And last but not least, to my darling William, thanks for giving me support when I was upset with work. It was a shame that we only got to know each other few months before my Uni life comes to an end, as knowing you is definitely the happiest thing on earth. I will never forget the 1-minute of silent hug at my doorstep when I was extremely sad over the lab accident. Thanks for the assurance, love, care and thanks for always shining on me brightly in my rainy days. 愛してる, william san.

*2.12 am. 23June2009. It's another new day to start already. And as usual, time waits for no man nor for you to ponder/stay in memories, even they were created as freshly as yesterday.
With that, a smile is carved and let the postlude of Uni life takes it place slowly ... yet gracefully.
''Life is like Tango...Sad, senxual, sexy, violent and quiet'' ~Royah

22.JUNE.2009

OMG OMG OMG OMG

I AM SO FRIGGING DONEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

21.06.09

you dont have to be extremely beautiful to win a heart.
you too, dont need to fulfill every single promise made to calm the perturbations.
And sometimes, you dont even need to be good.
Only when luck and charm are both in possession,
you know you've already captivated the world with no holding back.

And somehow, such reality sets me completely speechless.

18.06.09

i am in the library trying to revise for viva on next monday.
my mind keeps wandering uh what time is the movie tonight. what time is moo moo gonna finish his project. shall i buy lunch for him. what to eat. hungry hungry. OC? wraps? subway? uh..
hence, revision is extremely inefficient.
and that's as usual :P

kinda miss ppl in the lab after yesterday's submission.
but i guess they have more peace in the lab now.
at least no one would scream at that portuguese guy. or cried for getting phenol burn/bands contamination/uv light exposure.
haha. how clumsy i was. but those stupid moments definitely added spices to my IC archive.
POOR OLD STELLA TRIED TO SET THE LAB ON FIRE
so Richard said the other day. haha.

4 more days to viva. 9 more days to me and beng's 3rd month. 15 days to Greece trip.
And then home sweet home.
Such frigging mixed feelings.
i wanna go home and meet my friends.
but i too wanna continue savouring freedom and lifestyle that im soooo used to it already.
the park, the lake, the memorial, sainsbury's, flat 1, flat 10, edinburgh, SNOG. and the SEA.
inner conflicts keep surging within
anyway..that's life. see it. face it. cope with it. and be happy. Just like my fat BB.
(owh..will intro me and beng's BB next time).

C'est La Vie.

伦敦夏天我神经兮兮

这两天的心情总处在极度不安或极度冷静这两个极点。不能说是起伏不定，因为两种心情的交替竟然能更换得如此自然。若不是静心回想，我却也没能察觉这神鬼不知的变幻。

自周五的最后一个lab session后，我不是埋头于写报告，就是和彬窝在一块，一起废话连篇。

写报告时的我不慌不忙，总是在短时间内写好在脑海里筑起已久的ideas。然后再在暗中沾沾自喜，为自己的烂作业夸奖一番，自以为神奇的自我安慰后就倒头大睡。这样出奇的冷静说实在的，确实是让我有点担心。但同时，本小姐却又无法自拔的喜欢懒散胡闹。好像太勤力的埋头苦干会对不起十八代祖宗，或是会犯斩首之罪似的。真是无药可救的懒啊！

至於极度不安这案件，多半出现于夜晚。我本来就很怕随夜晚而来的孤寂，它常常让我变得脆弱与多心。曾有几次这样毫无预警的情绪突袭让我拖着很不实在的心情入睡，还会恨不得天快快泛起鱼肚白，让我睁开眼、张开手去看看及触碰我心爱的人事与物。这样我至少能握住生活及属于我的一切。虽然这样的神经兮兮能因为有躺在身边的彬而淡开，但可恶的是，他偶尔的翻身却会掀起我更大的不安，有时还会把这种忧郁延伸至天明，化为一股无聊的闷气。

看，这样的女人是不是让你大开眼界and enough to make you speechless 啊？

final year project bluessss

Can someone please talk to me and perhaps englighten me a little on why i keep not getting results for my experiments?
I am so stressed up. All my dreams for the past few weeks were just about DNA, vectors, bacteria and nothing else. Seriously couldn't get over the crappy results which I have to include and elaborate about in my dissertation.
PLEASE Give me some strength to move on and remember to whack me up if you see any sign of self-pity.
SIGHhhhhhHHHhhhh. I AM JUST GOING TO SIGH MY LUNGS OUTTTTTTTTTT.

HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Old old post.

After weekssss of waiting , Beng has finally finished his exams last friday and granted my wish to spend more time togetherrrr! Heeee!

I baked a cake on thursday so that we could celebrate the long-waited day of liberation straight on Friday da 15th! Was searching online for ideas and recipes weeks before as if it was my final year project (ermmm ehhh .. I didn't even put as much effort for the real thing ...-.-''), and voila a tasty-cum-crappy-looking Mango Mousse Cake!!

Mango Mousse Cake

Although baking is not something novel to me, but making the mango mousse was a bit of a nightmare as I 三八-ly used gelatine leaves instead of powder, which were ingredients I was not familiar with at all As a result of wrong estimation ...... the top layer of mousse tasted like plastic, haha. Luckily Beng was not LL enough to suffer from digestion problem. :P
(15.05.2009)

Fringe

ni hao! watashiwa Momoko chan desu! nais tu mit u! haha.
Lesson learned: nvr ever mess with your housemate. Or you'll get funny fringe like mine.
3 nooBies actually couldn't recognise me although their eyes laid on me for more than 3 secs.
How cool was that. Heee.
But still, I miss my old fringe :S

刘若英

中学时期听刘若英的歌，总觉得牵着歌词的旋律甚不动听，像是碎碎念些深奥难懂的故事。
现在的我听刘若英，会时而为女人细腻难懂的情感惆怅一番，也时而为让寂寞更孤独的爱情而掉入沉思。
以往贪婪吸吮的营养成分多数源于旋律。
但经过岁月与人事洗涤后，我渐渐依恋于歌词里的一个个故事。因为故事里面的灵魂，很多时候与我身边的她/他/甚至是我自己，是如此的相似。相似得足以让我以为写故事的人就在我身边，冷眼地看着这一袭袭的低落起伏。
也许人长大后就变得更加不善于表达自己。或许这么说，不待人的岁月总在我们毫无心理准备下催促我们长大成人。所以，我们有时连自己都无法了解自己，也无法整理不断浮起的情感，更别说是要清楚地表达自己。
所以我们寂寞，我们对人生深感无奈，我们需要别人来为我们说出原来就属于我们的故事。
而刘若英的歌正是如此清晰的娓娓道出每个从女孩蜕变成女人的心路历程。就因为这样，我爱上了刘若英。
她，唱出我的过去，亦道出了我不变的憧憬 :)


真的想 寂寞的时候有个伴 日子再忙 也有人一起吃早餐
虽然这种想法 明明就是太简单 只想有人在一起 不管明天在哪里
爱从不容许人三心两意 遇见浑然天成的交集 错过多可惜
如果我是真的 决定付出我的心 能不能有人告诉他 别让我伤心
每一次当爱再靠近 感觉他在紧紧地抱住你
(感觉他在清楚地告诉你 感觉像他一定要说服你)
他骚动你的心 遮住你的眼睛 又不让你知道去哪里
(却不让你知道去哪里) 每一次当爱在靠近
都好像在等你要怎么响应 天地都安静
唯一不安的是 你的决定 天地都安静 为一不安的是 你的决定

---

When you stop feeling good about urself
you know troubles are kicking in soon.
sigh.
good night.

DONEEEEEEEEE!!!

No more staying up like a bat crying like a 3-year-old mugging like a prisoner
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
NOW I JUST WANT TO
smooch smooch smooch smooch smooch shop shop shop shop eat eat eat eat eat!!!!!!!
and
SLEEP.

2 down, 2 more to go!

But this is how i feel now

!!

SingASong

''Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

Life is but a dream''


Fret not.
Fear not.
Smile lots.
For life is a dream with its days numbered :)

Job Offer :)

Got an offer from Ethos & Company. Happy :)
Base salary and performance-linked bonus are good.
But still have several considerations to make, including LDR
- ah, the most painful pain in my arse!
Anyway, being selected to join this leading boutique consultancy firm is still something worth celebrating!

So I went out with AhBeng just now for a yummilicious dinner at Giraffe :)

(yea, just finding an excuse to slack :P)
And lousy Stella got tipsy again after 2 glasses of wine *shy*

Happy Willy with his Topped WedgesTipsy Stella with her 'Fresh Fish Market'

懒惰虫不读书乱涂鸦

忽然很想知道
喜极而泣是什么样的感觉


？？

It doesn't need a title

I've fallen for this in the blink of time
And yet i know it is not just another story which i was thrown in and out again
Well at least I harbour hope for it not to be
and pray hard for this story to last for the eternity's fall

Don't let it appear if it is never meant to be mine
For this self-declared perfect little world of mine was once a run-down hag in reality
which has gradually ripped off the sadness and started to look for the euphoric dew
As now it is already standing perfectly well right here with me
So please let it be mine
and dont take it away from me again

I am waiting
Waiting for the 91-year story to come true
And I wish
It needs no miracle :)

Updatesss - IN A TOTAL RANDOM MANNER

Baked some banana muffins for Willy's housemates as they were very kind to invite me over for nasi lemak. Curry chicken, sambal ikan bilis and my favourite curry prawns suited my malaysian tongue soooOO well...although I want them to taste even hotter and spicier!! Oh welllll, one of the greatest blessings by being Willy's gf is to be able to satisfy my gluttony and cravings for the food I miss so much back home :) Oh ya! Willy was such a glutton that night (like me!! :P)!! Oh wait, maybe not just that night...hahaha! I baked 6 muffins for the 6 of us there, but he ended up eating an extra one and one of his housemates didn't get to eat. Haha. It seems like next time I HAVE to bake extra ones for this BIG-APPETITE boyfriend of mine.

Have been craving for this chewy sweet little thing for my revision period and I finally got it last night as an unexpected delivery from my Mr AhBeng! (HEY HEY see i use different names to refer to the same person, so dont take a scunner on me for mentioning HIM too frequently hor! HEEE!)
So happy and we chewed on these jelly beansssss non-stop in the library till 2.30am. HAHAHA crazy and WE ARE FAT now! YAY!

Okiesss enough of random updates for now
Hopefully my body wont be overgrown with molds after another 2 more weeks of REVISION!
And wish me luck for the final exams ok! ;)

Answer

If there is already an answer for my doubt

I would like to know it now.

Please and thank you very much
-to my dear Future.

Revisions - Of Studies, Of Life.

**-Blissful-**

Revision period for final exams is equivalent to:
- constant battling with time
- constant battling with whims and fancies for all the fun after exams
- constant craving for chocolate
- constant craving for nachos
- constant craving for pastries

- mars bars, cadbury double decker, nachos, haribos, doughnuts, brownies, cookies, peanuts, bombay mix .... THE LIST GOES ONNNNNN AND WHOOAAAAAA I AM sooooo fattttttttt!!!

But the best part of revision period is when you are craving crazily for MALAYSIAN MOUTH-WATERING FINGER LICKING YUMMILICIOUS food, and someone actually asks you to go over to his house to have LAKSA!!!!!!!

Laksa cooked by Darling - WITH LOTSA FISH CAKES AND FISH BALLSSS!!! Yummy yummy! =)

Thank you so much for inviting me over hor! Heart u much much hor! Hee =)
*happy fish whistles~




************
-Emoism-

女孩：
希望你还好。虽然这样简单的问好，在你耳里有可能是万般的讽刺；但我还是想说，我是真心的希望你的伤痛能随时间慢慢好过来。因为，我也曾以为自己被幸福遗弃； 因为，我的日子也曾经只是黑漆漆的夜，心中只有怒火与妒忌；因为，我也曾每晚哭着睡着，含泪而醒，甚至宁愿偷掉睡眠来思念一些无谓的执著。同是善感的女人，我怎会不了解这种心碎的感觉呢？

这几日来，我如往常般慢慢整理了自己的思绪。经历了这么多荆棘，发现这感情这回事并没有真正的胜利者，也与一般世事一样，没有绝对。今天无论是谁遇到了谁，认定了谁是谁的幸福，却一样无法预测闭上眼睛的那一刻，在身边紧紧依偎、守候着的，还是不是当初执著过的人。我也非常明白，其实每个人都一样渴望被人真心对待、每个人都怕伤害；但往往在寻觅的过程中，大家总是不小心伤害了和自己一样脆弱的人。

所以我想说的是，此刻的愤怒与不甘是绝对能被理解的。但谁能认定伤心的结束，就不是一个美好的开始呢？人生短短几十年，大家都不断的学习、认定着自己的情感，也希望最终能获得一份恒久的幸福与归属感。而我，就只希望能在这寻觅的过程中，把伤害的程度减得最低，大家都能开开心心的过日子。

虽然我们的身份现在是对立的，但我希望有一天大家还是能打开心结，用微笑去面对曾经的过去，及好好的珍惜已在手中紧握着的幸福 :)



********


终于把这几日来的心情都倾注笔端。有些事情即使他人永远都不会知道，但能好好为自己交待一番后的那种感觉，实在让我心情畅快多了！！！ Hee Hee *^_^*

1/4/2009

I start eating chocolate again.
Bad sign.

那些日子

有时候我会很怀念那青葱岁月
三个傻婆总努力的为青春制造回忆
为自己的生命调色、打草图、上色
为自己的快乐而快乐
为自己的幸福而满足

长大后的我们都看见了生命的许多矛盾与无奈
也在一路的跌跌撞撞里受伤害
也发觉其实长大的日子并没有如期盼中的快乐
也常会回想为什么小时候那么笨 总迫不及待要长大成人
总在父母说我们还年少无知时生闷气 拼命要跻身于成人的世界
却不知道能耍任性、能畅快大笑的日子是种福气

但是 growing up can only be cruel if u cannot accept the reality of life
所以朋友啊！你要好好的照顾自己啊！
要记得小时候响往过的单纯与快乐
要记得爱自己多过爱所有一切
要记得你值得好好被对待
要记得我对你们的爱一直都存在

P/s: darling, dont say i nvr mentioned u in my blog entry hor, your msg is being quoted! Hee!

ETHOS interview

Had this interview with Puan Natasha from ETHOS, a boutique strategy consultancy firm.
Scheduled time was 3pm but only got started at 3.30pm.
Wasted 1 hour of my life waiting as I arrived pretty early, cis!
And as many other girls, I tried to make full use of that 1 hour by doing the VERY ''MOSTEST'' meaningful activity on earth ---- CAMWHORING in the toilet! Haha

Well about the interview ... Hmm, could have done better by reading up more latest news of Government's plans and dwell upon details that could ace me through.
Too bad, my mind is always in a state of mess, then followed by automatic shut-down, whenever it comes to solving problems in a systematical way.

But on a happy note, she did praise on some of my ideas (''yea very good. Not Bad.'') *wink
And personally I think I have shown all my passion in securing this job and also the will to make a change to this country... although in the end she did say ETHOS has recently been very selective in handling government cases as they don't want their files to join the piles that are already collecting dust for years on shelves. Haha.

Anyyyyywayyyy, everything is out of my hands now.
I can only pray for the best and accept whatever the outcome is.
The most important thing is, THIS IS THE VERY FIRST TIME I HAD A SERIOUS CONVERSATION AND ACTUALLY EXCHANGED VIEWS ON THE COUNTRY'S ISSUES WITH PEOPLE OF GREAT MINDS WITH INSIGHTFUL THOUGHTS.
Blessed. I am so blessed!!
=)

*The Happiest Star*

我原以为幸福已属于过去式
也以为以往曾经的美好也只能是曾经了
但今天
我看到了一个凤凰在朝阳的怀抱中浴火重生
久违的自信
被遗弃的笑容
都陆续归巢
坚信要冲向更美好的每一天

现在有你和我一起面对的每分每秒
我知道我是幸福的 也因此变得更勇敢
谢谢你
我的太阳:D

*The Happiest Sun and Star*

:P

For the very first time in life ...

I think


I am short.

Haha.

星期一

今早的phone screening interview让我有点气馁
怎么一直都做得不好 怎么那么平庸无奇不出色
连简单的screening interview都被打败了 那下星期的case studies interview怎么办
无助-ing ....
唉~

*****
去年暑假指导我experiment的玛荔与她的意大利男友订婚了
好幸福唷~祝福他们白头偕老 :)

*****
昨晚又失眠了
明明吃了calm-sleep pills啊~
我想应该是精力过盛（才怪）
压力-ing啊~

*****
ok this post is getting random i know.
So better stop here before more sh*t's being uttered.
Gambate Sze Hwei!

12.53am

12.53am
前几天和那可爱的年轻男生说诉说夜晚的沉寂总使我脆弱许多
他说我应该在北极和南极的白昼各住上半年 就会坚强起来
即使这样的逻辑行得通 我想我还是会选择让自己懦弱一下下
因为白天的我是很固执的逞强 让永无止境的忙盲茫为我指点迷津
-告诉我长大后的泪水只限于眼眶 脸颊的泪痕是属于很多年前的奢侈品
因为只有在夜晚 我才能偷掉睡眠 慢慢让思念在心醉的夜发酵 并在黎明前蒸发

其实有时看着这男孩，心里也会不禁为他心疼一番。曾经为爱执着的他，如今却开始用表面的洒脱来掩饰内心的脆弱与伤痕。挂在嘴边的无所谓，一脸的漫不经心与不执着，表现出的到底是对生命的豁达还是不在乎？我也不晓得。但这样的转变也许能抚慰那曾单纯想爱付出却被出卖的心吧。

Anyway,祝福你了。希望你能找回那个为爱执着的自己，也谢谢你让我找回自己存在的价值。
虽然，我偶尔还是喜欢无事自扰。
呵呵:)

傍晚时分

傍晚7时45分
女孩再次步入家鼠笼
踏上磅秤 往左调的针向让她嘴角苦涩一扬 也分不出是什么样的心情
戴上他送给她的耳机 让曹格的嘶吼淹没笼里的阵阵轰隆
“为什麽爱上你的人是我
为什麽一厢情愿的人会难过为什麽对你舍不得 总是我…………”
看着跑步机荧幕上的数字不断跳升
心跳随之狂奔 不断和负情绪厮杀 体温亦如冲锋陷阵似的猛飙
思潮依然被许多问号围攻 一步步往后退 甚至最后干脆缩成一团不反抗了

侧头一看在旁边同样猛冲的男生
和她穿着一样的白衬衫黑热裤
踏着同样规律的步伐 胸口同样的呼吸起伏
一时间的错觉 让她以为如此美丽的频率可以延续至永远
却忘了男孩只不过是空间与时间的一时交错
女孩忽然明白了什么 却又不舍些什么
傍晚8点30分
回家的路上 又多了一份无法整理的惆怅

dont comment pls

我多希望生命有个停顿 让我接受这残酷的安排
或者就别再让我继续呼吸
因为现在的我就连呼吸也会心痛
或者就让我一直沉睡
因为现在我的白天亦如茫茫深夜
看不见你 看不见我 看不见都看不见
我
到底在哪
伤心得快感觉不到自己了

请允许我顾影自怜
请让我独自沉醉在这极度悲伤
请别安慰我
请别要我知足感恩惜福
请就让我任性一场

Blessed

Thank you so much for coming down all the way from Manchester and Warwick.
Even though was only a very short weekend together we spent, the memories created are going to warm my heart forever.
I feel so blessed and loved.
Each and everyone of you has a special in my heart, even my life.
Again, thank you for being such good friends of mine and yea, I know that's gonna be forever :)

~KMB, 2006~

~London, 2009~

Deep shit in the making

I tried to read Chapter 3, Principles of Fermentation Technology.
Spent the WHOLE day. Only 10/80 pages were read.
Ok maybe not a textbook-reading day for me.
Thinking maybe I should knock on A. Martin's msn ..
so there I spent couple of hours chatting. Bug on him to get me a birthday present.
'Did I give u my address?' 'No, why?' 'Here it is, jot it down.'
'ok done.' 'Good, xx is my birthday, get me a present. And im expecting it. Thank you. You may go now.'
Martin was aghasted at how I forced him to buy. I dont care. I seriously need to bully someone to chase this silly blueness in my chest away.
But such random tattle didnt pull me out from depression mode. Not at all.
Still feel like a spectre roaming aimlessly in Flat 1 Montrose House.

Night time falls.
Alright, time to mug on journalssssssss (i dono how many s i have to put to show its abundance)
171 pages in total. That's only one.
Mug mug mug. Facebook fb fb fb fb fb. Mug. fb fb fb fb fb fb fb fb fb. Mug. fb fb fb fb fb fb fb fb fb fb fb fb fb fbb fb. Mu... facebook. Journal left unread. Again. (11.35 pm; 7/171 done)

Argggghhhhhhhhhhhhh
how can i be so unproductive???????????????
If such symptom persists, I will be in DEEP HOT SHIT in less than TWO BLOODY MONTHS WHEN FINAL EXAMS COME.

Ugh, I hate this.

White London

I believe most londoners have posted similar entry on this. Tell me what can be more exciting than the heaviest snowfall in nearly 2 decades in the UK? The ''adverse'' (well to me there is nothing better than this :P) weather condition has brought London to a standstill. Most lectures were cancelled (oh well not for mine anyway, still have lab work till 5 pm! Biochem is such a saddist i knoowwww!!), transport system was closed/delayed, but who cares!! It was a day to celebrate, a day to be spent in the park playing snow, building snowman and forming troop for a snow war!!


Come, let me feed your eyes with the mesmerising view of Hyde Park in its innocent white.

Trees dusted with icing sugar :P

Stella posing in Winter-sonata style.

Royal Albert Hall

The joy of snow was definitely of great savour. But ... what about the homeless ones ... ? Hmm..

P.S. For more pictures on snow in London, please visit my facebook page. :)

Happy Birthday Everybody!!!人日快乐！

Happy Birthday to everyone!!!! Today is the 7th day of Chinese New Year i.e. everybody's birthday. According to the chinese legend, Lady Wa (女娲) created human beings on the 7th day, preceded by chicken, dog, pig, goat, ox, horse in chronological order.

Our house had 'Yee Sang' this morning and headed for the Open House hosted by London MCA Club in MSD. Queued up for 15 minutes for a plate of nasi bryani+small tiny little chunk (couldn't be smaller but better than none) of ayam masak merah+ kari kambing+a bit vege. Atmosphere was kinda merry-making and I would have enjoyed more if it wasn't the tonnes of work kept emerging subconsciously to instigate me home.

And it snowweeeddddddddddddd and is still snowing quite heavily now outside!!!!!!!!! I wasn't praticularly fond of snow during my first 2 years in London, but somehow today I was indeed quite excited to walk under the snow. And that surprised myself a little too :D Letting the snow flakes to kiss on my cold blushing cheeks again and again as I paced through the park, is sooo romantic and poetic to me. Heee! What an incorrigible woman living in her own illusion! :P I even sticked my tongue out to have a taste of snow! Hee. Cool right?

Ok, go back to work 1st. Will be back with more entries, with more photos perhaps.

*.*HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!*.*
~ From Sze Hwei with LOVEEEEEEE

I love you, Stranger.

I feel soooo happy tonight and am still unwilling to go to bed to end this wonderful night.
How i wish such happiness can be a standstill and never go away.
Every single moment is as beautiful as every single note dancing gracefully in Chopin's nocturnes. (yea, it's because of all of you, young people :))
No worries. No rushing around. No stressing about stress.
So in peace with myself.=)
W.O.N.D.E.R.F.U.L

***** *****
Baked some brownies.
Although it's kinda failed, but memory that searched back to the time when the 3 Ng-rascals spending time together until late midnight just to bake some CNY bisicuits, is indeed a tender way of relieving my recently stirred-up homesickness.
(Oh for years, my parents rarely need to buy any biscuits as we pretty insisted on baking those ourselves.)
It has become some kind of 'tradition' that runs in my family every year.
And now, it is a point of remisniscence of mine.
Every single piece of such memory remains fresh and vivid.
As if, it just happened and passed by yesterday.
As if.

***** ******
The Me in me is a long-lost stranger tonight.
But somehow,
I love you, Stranger.

Trivia

Was so sleepy and nearly dozed off during morning lectures. Luckily Dr Leak is kind enough to not fling his marker pen towards me. Heeeeee! But seriously need to tame this stubborn body clock or Im just gonna get completely blank everyday like this.

CNY CNY CNY!!! This will probably be my last year to celebrate CNY in London! I just can't wait to go back home, get ang pau from parents, 拜天宫 (a CNY eve praying ceremony) and immerse myself in the truly exotic CNY atmosphere (firecrackers!! Hehehe, Im acting like a 10-year-old i know =P). How i miss mommy's pineapple tarts, sea cucumber&mushroom hotchpotch, daddy's chao mien and lotsa lotsa my favourite dishes. Awhhh...

It was so funny last night. Shi Chian, ren yin and I were initially playing CNY songs on youtube and chatting over how we celebrated CNY back home. There was suddenly a complete silence when everyone fell into own reminiscence of the good old times and only CNY songs were wafting in the air. It was like some kind of Petronas CNY advertisement, which these 3 'Si-tenggang' were upset as they couldn't make their homecoming for the festive season. Hahaha!

Anyway, Im sure we are still gonna have a super kickass celebration here despite the absence of family members. Nonetheless, this empty space in heart will still be filled as our love will never be parted by distance and time.

(Mommy&Daddy!!! I want a super super super super big ang pau next year!!! Hehehehe!)

Lalala. =)

I wanna get all these done!

Chinese New Year is approaching! Final exams are coming in less than 4 months! I am graduating in less than 6 months and yet I still have so many undone items on my to-do-list! Ok, let me jot them down and try to get them all checked & done in this brand new year!!!

Here it goes ...

1. Must realise my dream to travel alone in at least one country. All on my own!
2. Visit the Lavender Field in Provence, France. This coming June maybe?
3. Attend Art Festival in Edinburgh in the Summer.
4. Finish reading The Kite Runner - not another book to collect dust plsss!
5. Catch a glimpse of Auguste Rodin's sculpture - The Kiss - at Rodin museum, Paris.
6. Start on a new book after The Kite Runner - Empress Orchid, perhaps?
7. I wanna read all the good books in the world (yea i miss my chinese storybooks) and re-read my long-lost repertoire of poems!

Oh dear, I seriously need a gap year! Have been sooo drowned in science journals, academic books and they are simply taking away my soul, turning me into a mud - left only a robotic brain machine to grind all these info into little indisgestible pieces of trash to be regurgitated in the exam hall. Ugh. I can't stomach this for more than 6 months. Enough is enough.

I am dreaming of you every night, my dear lavender field ...

梦想

周末假期除外，平时我就喜欢趁吃饭时间随便开着youtube来炒high用餐时间。 这学年开始，《大学生了没》就成为了我的‘餐伴’。其具知识性又不失幽默的节目论题，也曾让我对人生做较深一层的正面思考。当然，并非每个论题都是我的心头好，譬如有几期讨论如何美肌护肤变出双眼皮叫你变帅变美的话题就被我当掉了。呵呵～明白为什么笔者现在还是丑小鸭一个了吧？

言归正传。节目里我最欣赏的就是被大家称之为神的尹傑。这个男生有突出见解及有别于别人一贯的思考方式，字字一针见血，理智得来不失大体，果真有神之风范。每当他开启连珠炮似的说话方式，我会觉得一股溪流穿过浑水般的清凉，而这股清凉就来自于说者的智慧与理性。

看过尹傑xuite网誌中一片叫《我的梦想好逊》的文章。里面写的是他的梦想-- 一个被旁人看来算是渺小、甚至是‘逊色’的小梦想。而小梦想里涵盖的却是一个很踏实的计划，很靠近甚至能捉着幸福的蓝图；而不是那种要发很久、很远、很长的大梦，实现了却不知道还有没有命去享受的东西。尤其喜欢这句：‘……從小我就不喜歡發大夢，每次都把計劃定的保守合理，從來不會畫個大餅再來細數完成百分比，我總是計劃著"能夠去做的事"……’。在短暂的人生里，保守估计也许对别人来说是种懦弱的行为，但对我而言，可以在还能掌握的有限时间里头去真正实现一些能看得见、摸得见的快乐，是对人生最完整的一种交代了。当然，我并不是说发大梦、做大事是挥霍生命，只是在大梦实现之前，幸福与快乐的体验是否已融入生命里，确是该被加进考量的因素之一。

人因梦想而伟大。这句话隐藏的真理，我毫无异议。但梦想的价值是否已被单一化、或用来衡量梦想大小的那把尺，到底是出于自己心里还是周人的眼光，实在需要加以关注。至于梦想价值的单一化，我指的是你到底梦的是由自身的执着、兴趣与热诚而编成的梦想，还是梦着别人想要你变成的那种爱光环却不问自己要什么的盲苍蝇。很多人，包括笔者，从小被父母灌输的价值观就是非念书不可，念不成书就不成大器；到了社会，周人有形抑或无形的压力逼着你要努力赚钱，不浪费时间、要努力工作、要跟得上潮流、跟得上品牌、跟得上风。就这样，大家都找不到心里的那把最初最原始‘我要我自己决定我的人生’的声音。脑里、耳边响起的都是‘你要这样、我一定要像他那样……’的吵杂喧闹。大家都变成大家，一群只能在喧闹中嘻哈，却经不起绚烂后落寞的灵魂。

最后，希望大家，当然包括我自己，能像尹傑写的：‘人生很短暫，只希望每分每秒做的都是自己最快樂、想做的事’—做自己喜欢，能使自己快乐的事。在短暂的人生里做实现一个个小梦想，累积成恒久的大大快乐。且让我用星云法师的《心声》作为结尾与大家共勉之。

听心声/听雨声/听自己的心声
听车声/听人声/听自己的心声

独处内观 /何方听听自己的心声
我拥有外在世界 /我拥有内在十方
任心起灭 /迁流不息

*心声/听自己的心声
红尘万丈我有一池清凉
寰宇之间我心安然自在