22 June 09 Part II - the not so random one

22 June 2009 denotes the last day of my Uni, provided that if i passed all the modules of course! *fingers crossed tight tight

Upon stepping out from Dr. O'Hare's room after the 1-hour long of viva, I felt so relieved yet did not get too carried away by the fact that biochemistry has already become a history embedded in my life from that mo. Perhaps in the process of anticipation, my excitement for the real day of liberation was being shed off bit by bit, to the extent that I only wanted to treat it like just another day in life.

BUTTTTTTT
OF COURSE I DIDNT LAAAAA
SIAO MEHHHH, how many times in life do you get to savour the joy after all the toil, moil, sweat, blood, tension, insomnia sh*t that came in a package with examsssssss n final year project huhhhhhhh?

So i went bowling with Dickson, Royah, Joan and Tom. Didnt really know Joan and Tom at first. But the good thing about hanging out with all these BBC/angmos is you can just anyhow crap as if you've known each other for a zillion years, and the next time you meet them, the starting line would be: hey, i met you in xxx's party, remember? And here you go...another 'tok kock' session. See, mingling around is just so easy pissy. All you need is just high English sense of humour and a big bright smile. Teeheeee :D

Anyway, met Andre (yea yea the portuguese guy whom I 又爱又恨 in the lab) when i was bidding farewell with Ioanna who is leaving for Cyprus tomorrow. We were so shocked to see each other as we thought we wont be seeing each other anymore after the last lab. 'Omg omg omg Stella, why are you here?', so he asked while giving me a deep hug. 'Haha, we went for bowling just now'.
To be honest, it was difficult to say goodbye to people whom you see almost everyday. Before everything came to an end, their presence was just so thinly felt - just like the air you breathe in and out everyday -- only when one day you have to part with them, you started to cherish and hope that time would slow down so that every moment could be properly captured.

To my friends, thank you for making my life in the UK a worthwhile one. From a girl who only knew about life in western countries through television programme, to a lady like me who actually share stories/jokes and even hang out with you guys whom I called friends, such experience has indeed enriched so much of my life.

To Royah, thank you for being such a patient, cheerful, caring, hilarious yet sarcastic (yes the part i love most!) friend. If it wasn't you, I wouldn't have known so many lovely people from our course. I'll never forget all the madness we had during the drinking/ice-cream/meals/movie (oh so many of them!) hangout session. Im just so gonna miss them when im back in malaysia!

To Katie, you are one of the lovely people whom i was so lucky to get acquainted with. You're sincere, kind and truthful. Your relationship with Tom simply makes me think that true love does exist and give me the courage to look for my own one too :)

To my housemates, I love you all. Thank you for putting up with my bad temper, mood swings and madness. Thanks for your care and love when I was down in the ravine in life. I love you all with all my heart and am so grateful for being part of this big family for the past 2 years.

To Yih Lin my senior, haha I probably couldn't get through all these shit in biochem without your constant guidance and encouragement. You always have my respect and Im so glad to have met such an angel like you.

To my coursemate Adeline the chicken bay, thanks for being my 'mommy' and pushing me to work hard for the finals. How can you be so consistent and disciplied in revision huh??? Those notes and tips you gave in fact have helped me a lot, especially for ATCMI. Haha. Lazy me.

To Andre and Jennifer, my FYP lab mates, thank you for arguing with me in the lab Andre. That definitely added lotsa new knowledge to my very limited archive -- jesus christ can be dearly called as sweet little child christ, buddha is fatter than jesus, Flipper the Dolphine is actually a paedophile and how 'fuck' could be so expressive when you got stuck in labs. And Jennifer, thanks for helping out for the SDS experiment. I love how daring you were at molesting me too. Haha.

And last but not least, to my darling William, thanks for giving me support when I was upset with work. It was a shame that we only got to know each other few months before my Uni life comes to an end, as knowing you is definitely the happiest thing on earth. I will never forget the 1-minute of silent hug at my doorstep when I was extremely sad over the lab accident. Thanks for the assurance, love, care and thanks for always shining on me brightly in my rainy days. 愛してる, william san.

*2.12 am. 23June2009. It's another new day to start already. And as usual, time waits for no man nor for you to ponder/stay in memories, even they were created as freshly as yesterday.
With that, a smile is carved and let the postlude of Uni life takes it place slowly ... yet gracefully.
''Life is like Tango...Sad, senxual, sexy, violent and quiet'' ~Royah

22.JUNE.2009

OMG OMG OMG OMG

I AM SO FRIGGING DONEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

21.06.09

you dont have to be extremely beautiful to win a heart.
you too, dont need to fulfill every single promise made to calm the perturbations.
And sometimes, you dont even need to be good.
Only when luck and charm are both in possession,
you know you've already captivated the world with no holding back.

And somehow, such reality sets me completely speechless.

18.06.09

i am in the library trying to revise for viva on next monday.
my mind keeps wandering uh what time is the movie tonight. what time is moo moo gonna finish his project. shall i buy lunch for him. what to eat. hungry hungry. OC? wraps? subway? uh..
hence, revision is extremely inefficient.
and that's as usual :P

kinda miss ppl in the lab after yesterday's submission.
but i guess they have more peace in the lab now.
at least no one would scream at that portuguese guy. or cried for getting phenol burn/bands contamination/uv light exposure.
haha. how clumsy i was. but those stupid moments definitely added spices to my IC archive.
POOR OLD STELLA TRIED TO SET THE LAB ON FIRE
so Richard said the other day. haha.

4 more days to viva. 9 more days to me and beng's 3rd month. 15 days to Greece trip.
And then home sweet home.
Such frigging mixed feelings.
i wanna go home and meet my friends.
but i too wanna continue savouring freedom and lifestyle that im soooo used to it already.
the park, the lake, the memorial, sainsbury's, flat 1, flat 10, edinburgh, SNOG. and the SEA.
inner conflicts keep surging within
anyway..that's life. see it. face it. cope with it. and be happy. Just like my fat BB.
(owh..will intro me and beng's BB next time).

C'est La Vie.

伦敦夏天我神经兮兮

这两天的心情总处在极度不安或极度冷静这两个极点。不能说是起伏不定，因为两种心情的交替竟然能更换得如此自然。若不是静心回想，我却也没能察觉这神鬼不知的变幻。

自周五的最后一个lab session后，我不是埋头于写报告，就是和彬窝在一块，一起废话连篇。

写报告时的我不慌不忙，总是在短时间内写好在脑海里筑起已久的ideas。然后再在暗中沾沾自喜，为自己的烂作业夸奖一番，自以为神奇的自我安慰后就倒头大睡。这样出奇的冷静说实在的，确实是让我有点担心。但同时，本小姐却又无法自拔的喜欢懒散胡闹。好像太勤力的埋头苦干会对不起十八代祖宗，或是会犯斩首之罪似的。真是无药可救的懒啊！

至於极度不安这案件，多半出现于夜晚。我本来就很怕随夜晚而来的孤寂，它常常让我变得脆弱与多心。曾有几次这样毫无预警的情绪突袭让我拖着很不实在的心情入睡，还会恨不得天快快泛起鱼肚白，让我睁开眼、张开手去看看及触碰我心爱的人事与物。这样我至少能握住生活及属于我的一切。虽然这样的神经兮兮能因为有躺在身边的彬而淡开，但可恶的是，他偶尔的翻身却会掀起我更大的不安，有时还会把这种忧郁延伸至天明，化为一股无聊的闷气。

看，这样的女人是不是让你大开眼界and enough to make you speechless 啊？

final year project bluessss

Can someone please talk to me and perhaps englighten me a little on why i keep not getting results for my experiments?
I am so stressed up. All my dreams for the past few weeks were just about DNA, vectors, bacteria and nothing else. Seriously couldn't get over the crappy results which I have to include and elaborate about in my dissertation.
PLEASE Give me some strength to move on and remember to whack me up if you see any sign of self-pity.
SIGHhhhhhHHHhhhh. I AM JUST GOING TO SIGH MY LUNGS OUTTTTTTTTTT.

HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH